Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Seventeen (A short story)

I sang songs that meant nothing. I don’t even remember where I’ve ever heard them. A cloud had shrouded my mind. Perhaps it’s for the better. I sang louder and louder, sometimes choking back on some angry tears as I lay on my bed. My maid knocked vehemently on the locked door, “Oei, Ah Xing! What are you doing? Very scary, you know!” My throat felt rather sore but I ignored her and stuffed my fingers into my ears, continuing.
My throat wasn’t only sore, it felt dry too. Maybe I should water it. Like a day-old corpse, I got on my feet and walked towards the kitchen. “Ay, what are you doing? Auntie said you’re possessed leh.” My sister probed, looking at me in disgust. I seemed to hear something but I wasn’t sure, so I ignored whatsoever it was. I looked at the half-empty pitcher. “No water.” I mumbled to myself. I returned to my room, got ready some change and left the house. When I got to the coffee shop, I wasn’t surprised to see him there. However, I wasn’t sure whether he was really there or not so I went up to him and slapped him in the face.
Silence...
His face turned red with the mark of my fingers. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” James whispered, clenching his teeth as he spoke. His spit flew, as though in slow motion, onto my face. I smiled, it was him.
I sat myself down and stared at him. “Just here to buy coffee,” I replied nonchalantly, with a smile. Suddenly, I realised that we weren’t alone on that table. That presence touched me. In fact, it literally seized me, and with a shocking force. Then I realised that that presence was Jessica, my best friend.
I snapped out of the dreamy state that served to numb my emotions. Repressed thoughts and feelings emerged like a black writhing soul from my physical body. I pushed Jessica back with all the force I could muster. She fell back and hit her head against the wall. Jumping to his feet, James rushed towards her.
“What are you doing?” He demanded, screeching as he held her in his arms. “Leave us alone, you freak! Someone call an ambulance!”
“You deserve this, James! You deserve this! You love me! Not her! No, she deserves to die, you know? She betrayed me. MY BEST FRIEND AND MY LOVER! TOGETHER?”
“What is wrong with you?” James bawled as he tried to awaken the unconscious Jessica. “Oh my god, she’s not responding! SOMEONE CALL THE AMBULANCE!”
“I trusted the both of you. You said you’ll love me forever. What’s forever? Is it a lie you use to cheat your victims? Huh? Why are you crying now? Do you feel remorse for your actions? Are you afraid she’ll die?”
James buried his head into his hands as he broke down into uncontrollable sobs.
I couldn’t help but feel victorious. Finally, I’ve gotten back at him. Look at all these people, staring at us. They’ll know what a jerk he is. They’ll know what he did to me. They deserve to know that trash like him exists. Let them condemn him; judge him for what he really is.
I stared at him. He’s so vulnerable. Just like when I first saw him. No, wait, that’s an act. He acts very well. He always makes people feel sorry for him and when they do, they’ll be at his mercy. But, I love him, don’t I? I do. Maybe I can forgive him if he gives her up and comes back to me.
“Okay, James. I’ll forgive you on one condition- that you’ll leave her forever. If you do so, I might come back to you. ”
He stared at me, cold and straight. I felt his icy glare cut into my heart.
“I am not James. Neither do I know who the fuck he is.”
“What?” I nearly laughed out loud at this lousy attempt to conceal his identity. “This is fresh. Come up with a better excuse.”
The gaze never once withered; not even as he helped the paramedics carry Jessica into the ambulance.
“Neither is she Jessica,” he muttered, before going onto the ambulance which sped off to the hospital.
“Outrageous! The audacity of him! Thank goodness I’ve left him for good.” I explained in a casual fashion to the crowd, who had begun to look at me curiously. Two policemen walked up to me and tried to handcuff me.
“Come on Jessica, we’ve got to bring you back. James’s dead already. You won’t find him here anymore.”The older policeman, who seemed to look a little familiar, gently took me by the arm. “This is Jessica, the 27-year-old woman in this neighbourhood, whom I’ve been telling you about.” He introduced me to the younger policeman who eyed my suspiciously.
“But she looks normal,” the young man said.
“They all do.” The older one murmured as he led me to the police car.
Perplexed, I struggled to break free. “I’m not Jessica! You guys are nuts! Stop talking like I’m some weirdo!”
Both man looked at me with sympathy. “It’s not your fault Jessica, it’s been ten years. Let it go. James’s gone. So is Ah Xing. I’ve called your mother; she should be here any moment. After what you’ve done today, you’ll be spending a lot more time in IMH again.”
I saw my mother’s vexed face approaching us out of the corner of my eyes. “Jessie, it’s long over. It’s been TEN YEARS. At that time, as all of you were still young, love seemed like the first priority. Both James and you made that decision to start a relationship even though James was still attached to Ah Xing. I know you feel guilty about both James and Ah Xing but like I always say, it’s over! Just let it go!”
She paused and looked at me. Tears were starting to brim at the corners of her eyes. This scene seems all so familiar but I looked back at her, emotionless. There was an irritating humming sound that had started coming from the back of my head. I concentrated on ignoring it.
“Because James knew how you felt about him, he broke up with Ah Xing to be with you. Ah Xing couldn’t take it. So, she tried to kill all three of you, remember? You barely survived as well. Please, stop this,” my mother pleaded. She clutched both my hands tightly while holding back more tears. “You can’t dwell in the age of seventeen forever, Jessica.”
I was suddenly infuriated. I felt the flaming anger rush out of my chest. “Jessica, Jessica, Jessica! How many times must I tell you people to call me Ah Xing! AH XING! NOT JESSICA!” I screamed, as I struggled to break free from their grasp.
Then, I heard music playing in my head. It sounded better than what I was listening to here. I listened to it harder, as it grew louder and I sang along with it. I felt better, much better. So, I swayed vivaciously to the rhythm. The policemen shook their heads and lead me onto the car. That didn’t bother me at all. I just sang along with it. Even though I didn’t understand what I was singing.

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